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  • Crys Raffa

Holidaze: She Ran Away....Again

How I stated facts about reality and was once again bullied by my father in law because their abuse child abandoned my kids on a major holiday


I have a 7yr old and child about to turn 6. Literally HALF of the younger child's Thanksgiving holidays', their dad has chosen to not be with them. *That is a factual statement.* It is not up for debate or subject to any other person's recollections. Yet, my former FiL decided to pick a fight with me on the day of Thanksgiving about how we had always been invited and firmly imply it was my fault we never came after we left NYC.


I routinely said we could go. I spent years offering to take over once the grandparents in charge stepped down since I love to feed crowds. I also made clear we had pets who deserve quality care while we are away and that NYC hotels with a baby (and eventually 2) are not a cheap thing. I expressed valid concerns about driving with small children in November thru New England as our weather is Batshit AT BEST.


I offered all of the reams of evidence screenshots I have supporting this to my FiL who said he wanted none of it as he was not interested in a fight and called me passive aggressive. **He then insisted his own seating charts disproved my claim but only his records were worth consideration.** I called out this obscene bullying and manipulation and made clear this is how abuse is a taught behavior. This is why they have a child who can assault a spouse in front of a 3rd party and their kids and STILL claim that they actually never did anything.


Check Yourself, Because I Have Receipts


Never will I understand how people in authority, get so overinflated as to believe that ONLY what they say holds weight and value. Never will it be clear to me how they can actually hold a view that their word is law and law means what they decide. I find this especially true of people associated with legal professions; such as my former in-law. His sense of self is so massively over blown that the word of his child is taken on its face DESPITE reams of evidence and witnesses. He has more than one divorced child, for more than one reason and still he has no capacity to accept why those situations failed and what role his influence had on them.


We are all the result of the influences and impact our adults had on us as kids. Be they parents, grandparents or others. That this man considers himself an irrelevant figure in the ongoing lives of his kids (and their failings as much as their successes) is mind meltingly stupid.


On multiple occasions he proved himself a chauvinist and a misogynist. "I won't discuss money in front of the 'girlfriends' here." He once said with a sneer in front of his own parents at a family meal. At a prior Thanksgiving, the only one with a full group photo (partly my idea btw), I *offered to take the picture* and let Dax be held by his dad. I said aloud "I'm not blood after all, so let it be a family picture in fact." The reply I got, I will never forget because it made clear my value to FiL "Well, you are Dax's mom, so you can be in it. And of course XXXXX wife too."


My value is as a breeder of the next generation and that is all. Now, before you question if that was a one off statement, I will clarify. My former in law NEVER made a point of knowing me. Not casually, not in depth, not at all did this man want anything to do with me. I wasn't spoken to unless my ex was there. I was always treated in a combative manner. I was always contradicted for having my own voice. When I used legal terms *correctly* he got massively offended by the fact that I knew anything about his field of work. My intellect was treated as a *threat* by him. The night I had to call an ambulance for their child to be put on suicide watch, I called at midnight to tell them what was happening. I wept about what was happening and how I had been trying to help them and spare them the stress of wedding planning. FiL said "well, let's not make this all about YOU."


Add It Up; I Win

In the end, I can't say I am surprised my ex ran away again. They never acted like I was enough or the kids were either. My older believed ex moved to NYC when I explained where they had gone. Both were thrilled it meant not having to spend the night at their dad's. Dad only spent time with the younger the day they got back. Only saw the older one because both kids demanded ex come here to them instead of them being forced to go out with dad.


The whole idiocy of my former in law started because I said factually my kids were used to Skype as their dad had spent HALF of their Thanksgivings NOT with them. So if they wanted to do Skype, I was ok with that. In Law replied with how it had to be done BEFORE most of the family showed up, because god forbid we be seen by anyone!!










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