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  • Writer's pictureCrys Raffa

A Piece of Trash, By Any Other Name...

Is still a Dumpster Fire...NOT a Sibling

Toxic is toxic and you were cut out for good reasons!

Now that you’ve started paying attention cuz you wanna know the tea, as it were...

My family tree is much more of a Maury style web. Within that, I know for sure my bio mom had another daughter after she had me. I wasn't told about her till I was a teenager (tho she knew about me her whole life). She grew up a couple hours away from me in a whole other universe almost, given how different that part of the state is from mine. After our mother died, we finally met and became "sisters" because I have never felt comfortable being myself with other people. I have always been myself. Yet, nobody asked why I did what I did or dressed and styled how I did. Literally nobody cared to ask beyond the surface they saw; including my "sister".

My "sister", despite never having met our mother, was a COMPLETE duplicate of her. From facial features to mental disorders. Trashy behaviors to claims of "meaning well" in all she did. I'd wager even all the illegal substances and acts they committed are identical as well, tho our mother was an ordained minister and my "sister" despises religion (despite how often she uses religious words and hate speech to defend her actions, like any "good Christian" would). An overflowing trash Bin was always the image that came to mind when her mouth sprang open and would just refuse to shut the fuq closed again.

Leach is one word...Vampire is more accurate

Much like our mother, my "sister" was always a leech. No cap, full stop. Regardless of any legitimate issue you may come up with for why a person could reasonably ask for help in life. There was never a time when enough was enough and there was ABSOLUTELY never a chance in HELL she was ever paying a dime of it back. (I once did the math before I fully cut her off several years ago. **AT THAT POINT she had taken various family members for something near 200K**) It was such an overwhelming burden on so many of us and it was always excused by the typical BS that people use for the person who "needs/deserves help" because of their issues. Because we refuse to support them through the help the ACTUALLY need from the medical profession instead....

Could She Be More Backstabbing?

Never underestimate a person who only has themselves as a goal. My "sister" befriended my ex and over the course of time I learned a few things...

  1. The money she took me for was only about HALF of what she also got my ex to give her in secret. They BOTH lied to me about her getting it, because she knew if I knew, I'd have cut her off completely for playing both ends.

  2. She introduced my ex to their mistress.

  3. She lied to my face REPEATEDLY about knowing the mistress (she had also tried to sleep with that person...and failed...)

  4. She was an ACTIVE middle man for them and ARRAINGED their hook ups DURING COVID so that she was the smoke screen!

  5. She spent at least one FULL DAY hanging out and having fun with my ex and the mistress to give ex cover for ignoring me and the kids for 15hrs!

  6. Once discovered, she began attacking me personally for not being more mad at my ex than at her and saying I should forgive her cuz **all she did was lie a couple times**.

And Yes, There is More...

In early September, my dad had a Heart attack. It has been a bad and complicated road since. My "sister" finally called him a couple days ago he said yesterday. She had of course ZERO knowledge about it because she only calls to beg or bitch or whine about her own bs. He said that she and her current leech of a partner are living in her parents basement. (Her parents are my aunt and uncle; like I said, Maury.)

I simply replied "Where else would you expect a cockroach to live?"

Then I told my dad I was not placing him in between us or our issue. There is no issue. He was there for our bio mom and her total lack of accountability. Since I forced my ex to leave, I have been in therapy and getting better at telling him how things really were. Showing him the screenshots and other evidence I have compiled to protect my kids. I made clear to him, it is a matter of me no longer tolerating people refusing accountability. I will not allow myself or my kids to be ANYWHERE near a person who says "I was bad, so what?' or deflects and says "I was bad, cuz others were bad and others are worse than me, so what I did was acceptable and you HAVE to forgive me!"

Those are messages their father taught them and it takes everything I have to undo that entitled thinking and absurd response, my son especially mimics his dad and already he faces problems at school as a result. As far as I am concerned my "sister" can contact me when it is a notice for her final services. Even then I won't attend.

Yes, people can change. Yes, people can grow. I do not dispute second chances can be given and often lead to healing and repair.

BOTH my "sister" and my ex have had 7 or 8 BILLION second chances for each of their transgressions. My ex literally said repeatedly on tape "if I was willing to change, we wouldn't be where we are today, now would we?"

I will not provide any more chances to either of them, nor anyone else who thinks or feels that way.

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